Be careful when you pretend scissors are crab legs

This story actually begins yesterday on the way home from church. Liz and Lilyann had stayed home because Lilyann had not been feeling well, so Joshua went to church with me. On the way home, all the sudden he decided to vomit all over the place, the inevitable result of a week of congestion and coughing.

After we got home he seemed fine, so Liz and I decided that, should he still feel fine later, because he was so good at church in her absence, we would let him decide where to eat dinner. I not so subtly suggested to him that we go to Red Lobster, since I was really wanting it and we hadn’t been in so long. He didn’t need much convincing, so when dinner time arrived, to Red Lobster we went.

Liz and I decided to share some crab legs, and as is our usual custom, we tried to get Joshua to try a little bit of the crab meat. He ate it, and in a completely shocking move, asked for more… and more… and more. He particularly liked playing with the crab legs and pretending they were pinching him, or eating him as it were.

Fast forward to this afternoon. Joshua was at preschool and I was in class, just having returned from a break where I’d talked to my wife on the phone, briefly interrupting a conversation she was having on the other line. Just before class started back my cell phone rang and it was Joshua’s preschool. His teacher was telling me that she thought we needed to come and get him because he cut his ear with scissors and would probably need stitches.

I called Liz and away she went. I went back to class, knowing I would have to leave before my next class, because there was no way I was leaving her with Joshua and our 11-month old daughter Lilyann at the ER.

When I finally got to the ER, with McDonald’s in hand, Liz finally explained how it was that Joshua had taken scissors to his ear. Apparently he was pretending they were CRAB LEGS pinching/eating at his ear!!!!! This is a story on par with the time I was four years old and pretended to be selling shoes to a mannequin at Sears, only to have the mannequin fall on me and cause me to get six stitches in my forehead.

Well Joshua is fine, so don’t worry. He genuinely seems excited about his stitches and is playing with his sister like nothing happened. But, for your edification, here are before and after stitches shots of his ear. The moral of the story, of course, is DON’T PRETEND SCISSORS ARE CRAB LEGS!!!

Author: Matt Privett

Christian. Husband. Father. Pastor.

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